I'm {still} home...
Today marks 1 week since I had my SECOND knee surgery… and a little over 2 weeks since I was supposed to head back out on my mission. For anyone that’s interested or slightly confused, I thought I should explain. Here’s an update:
I was completely cleared medically, both by doctors and PT
to return to my mission on August 10th. 2 weeks prior to my
departure date, I was running around the track (which I was cleared to do) and
finished my workout with some of my Physical Therapy strength exercises. While doing a
very simple jump series, I heard a pop in my knee and everything buckled. I
struggled to walk home and was in a good amount of pain… but I refused to
believe that anything major had happened. A week later, I went in to see my
doctor and he was nervous about the pain and lessened stability of my knee, but
couldn’t tell for sure what was wrong. I got an MRI, and brought the images
back the same day to see what was up. The diagnosis was a little unclear on the
specifics, but it was unmistakable that I had a new tear in my medial meniscus,
and my ACL also looked partially torn. Either way, surgery was required. We
scheduled the operation for August 14th, 4 days after I was supposed
to enter the MTC.
It's been a whole 7 days... and the surgery went really well! I am feeling good, and other
than a good amount of swelling and bruising (see pic below..sorry it's gross) I am okay.
I can get up and walk around a little bit without crutches or anything, so THAT
is awesome J
After going under anesthesia, the doctor did some tests and confirmed that my
ACL was torn badly enough to need a reconstruction. They took out my {non-original}
original graft from the first surgery, and replaced it with a “new” one. (The second graft was from a cadaver, hence the “ “ around new hehe)
My projected recovery time
is another 6 to 8 months.
The whole process, again.
As is normal with any new, unforeseen change in plans,
my mind was racing. What did this mean?
Was this a test of my perseverance,
resiliency, and determination to serve a mission?
Or... could there possibly be
something else that God had in mind?
As a naturally independent, driven person,
my immediate thoughts were “well, of course this is just another test! I passed
the first one after having to come home and wait 6 months to go back out… even
when other factors came into play once my return date got closer. But, I pushed
through once… so I should be able to do it again, right?” Along with that, I
thought about my desire to serve the Lord as a full-time missionary. Of course
that is something that He would want me to do, he already told me that when I
first left, so why would anything be different now? Serving a mission is a wonderful thing, a worthy cause, and would be
an incredible experience that would benefit my life and future family… so why
wouldn’t it make sense to go?”
The week before my surgery was one that I will never forget. I knew I had to find out specifically and directly what the Lord wanted me to do... and I was the only one that could figure that out. I stepped back from everything in my life; all of the distractions, people, opinions, and decisions... and I turned to my Father in Heaven. I believe strongly in personal revelation, and know that because our Heavenly Father loves us SO much, he is willing to speak to us directly and candidly. Especially when we open our hearts and mind to have that conversation.
With that belief, I spent each morning in prayer, and would continue throughout the day with my mind open to receiving a response from God. I gave literally everything I had to know Him and what He desired. I am learning how to recognize the promptings of the Spirit, and in this process have learned that the Lord speaks to each of us differently; however, it is always in a language that we can understand. Throughout the days of fasting, asking for Father's blessings, and attending the temple to worship and ponder... I felt Him speak to me.
And when He did, it was unmistakeable direction.
Sometimes it's hard to know just exactly HOW to recognize the voice of the Lord in our life, especially when trying to discern between two good things. But this time around, His words were clear to me:
The mission that He requires of me to fulfill is...at home.
I’m sure at this point, some of you are curious as to what the heck THAT means for….. ma life plans? I’ll tell you. Cuz while I am learning that I am definitely not all-knowing, nor do I have even the slightest idea on why certain things happen… I know who does. God has a hilarious sense of humor sometimes, but He has got everything figured out!! He is in control, and He knows exactly what is in store for my life. The Lord has accepted my desire and willingness to serve Him, but He is going to use me somewhere else. I submitted my will completely. I opened my heart. And the Lord has shown me what I need to do next. I have to believe that the blessings that await will be even better than I could even imagine.
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| current pic of ma pretties... yay for bruising, and yay for recovery! |
